Poem : The Zest.

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My fist tight,
I learn to squeeze the lemon
with the same might and firmness that life requires of me.
Whether working with my hands,
fingers sticky with pith and juice,
or working with my head,
thoughts bursting forward toward mind-bending possibilities,
I demand fruit,
flavor,
all that it can give me.
So that when I sit down to rest,
I find the spread delicious,
my self satisfied and spent.

The Hard Conversations.

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I’ve written before about good conversations with close friends, but today I got to thinking about the hard conversations, the ones we seem to spend a lot of time and energy trying not to have.
As I scrounged late last night in frustration for one good thing to cling to on what turned out to be a rather horrid Monday, I remembered a conversation I had with one of my best friends earlier.
rachie and me
She had a wake to go to yesterday for a friend’s mother who passed away suddenly this week.
“Ugh. Funerals make me sad,” she said. “When I die, promise me you’ll celebrate my life and wear lots of bright colors, okay?”
“Will do! Please do the same for me… Is it weird that I sometimes hear songs and think ‘I want that played at my funeral?’” I asked, glad to finally confess this to someone.
“I totally do that all the time! And don’t worry, I’ve got you covered,” she replied.
“When I die, there should be karaoke, guitar hero, super bright colors and cake. Celebrate lives lived, not just the lives lost. Life is way too short, so go out and live it!” She soon posted on her Facebook status. Within minutes, several people responded with a ‘Like’ or comment in agreement.
“When I die, I want people to have a feast of scrumptious food and I want them to dance all night,” I told her.
We made a pact to write each other into our wills, to make sure that the other would be the “party planner” in the event of our death. Our initial brainstorms included a bachelorette party redux, but we thought the erotic cake might be a little over the top for our grieving relatives. We settled for posting pictures of good times we’ve had over the years.
As much as I hate to think of the death of someone who means so much to me, our conversation was the brightest part of my day. We always think that these are the things not to bring up, the things that don’t need to be discussed. [After all, we’re only in our twenties – who needs to think about dying yet…] But when you’ve had a crappy day at work, and you’re worried about money and bills and what your future holds, and you’re feeling the squelching pains of writer’s block, and you’re missing family so bad it hurts, do you really want to chat about the weather?
Sometimes, it’s the biggest sigh of relief, the deepest breath of fresh air to tell your best friend,
Yes. I will be there for you. Even then.
Suddenly, the thing you’ve been trying not to say or acknowledge, the really hard, awkward conversation you don’t want to discuss, turns out to be the only thing worth saying.
Don’t be afraid to say that one thing that might open the floodgate to admitting that life is hard and scary and short, and beautiful and joyous and worth celebrating, even as we say goodbye to it.
—
(Picture courtesy of the lovely Erin Lee, taken about a bizzilion years ago… or maybe only 5. I can’t believe it’s been that long! I love you, Rachie. <3)

Leave the Light On.

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I’ve sat down several times in the last several days. My fingers poise ready at the keys, my thoughts and feelings wait breathlessly on the edge of spilling over. In my head, I’m telling you things that I’m thinking and feeling in a way that will benefit you, help you articulate and examine your own life and share that with others, make you feel better about the ample amount of things you deal with everyday.
And then this is what comes out:
This sucks. Life is hard. The End.
Don’t like that one? Me either.
Turns out it’s not easy to write when you’re sitting in the dark.
I’ve had some hard days lately, friends. They’re good, in a see-the-big-picture kind of way, in a you-know-Who-loves-you kind of way, but they’re still hard. Details spared, I’ve been thinking a lot about the things that make our fragile, sensitive human spirits rise up out of the hard, frustrating, frightening mire of everyday life. What inspires us when we’re in the dark, desolate places of our lives? And why?
I don’t have those answers yet, but I’ll leave you with a few of these, which have a brighter, clearer perspective than I do at the moment. Sometimes, when you can’t say it, feel it, see it, you just have to surround yourself with people who can in hopes that some of their light seeps into the dark spaces in your soul.
A few lights for you:
A life-affirming quote from Anais Nin.
A good thought from Jon Acuff: We don’t have to finish what we don’t start.
Remember, friends: time is of the essence, so don’t waste it.
A daily dose of encouragement for those who write, freelance, or can appreciate a blog that is both well written AND well designed.
The sweet, soothing lullaby of a new album from one of my all time favorites.
Song lyrics you can cling to and sing to yourself in the dark:
“I was walking far from home
But I carried your letters all the while
I saw lovers in a window
Whisper, ‘Want me like time, want me like time’
I saw sickness, bloom in fruit trees
I saw blood and a bit of it was mine…
I was walking far from home
Where the names were not burned along the wall
Saw a wet road form a circle
And it came like a call, came like a call
From the Lord.”
And a special love link to all the people in my life that make it worth it – the everyday. Dark or light, I know I’m not sitting alone. [Galatians 6:2]