One Word 2013 : Faithful.

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It’s early morning, December 31, 2012. I’ve waved goodbye to good friends that came to stay with us last night and I’ve had two cups of coffee already. I’ve just finished the first chapter in ‘Help Thanks Wow,’ which turns out is half the book, and Anne’s words are like a balm on my scabbed heart. It stings a little, all this talk about asking for ‘Help,’ but at the same time, this whole morning is a miracle and I know it in the sorest places of my soul. I soak it in quietly, and like turning the page to a new chapter on printed page and in life, I utter a profound, teary ‘Thanks.’

This is the Help I’ve been asking for – this mug, this morning, this time spent with friends who have saved my life in a hard year. I look back on 2012 and see all of it, the hurt and the Help, over and over. The grief and the Grace, in all its forms. I am so grateful.

A lot of Change took place in 2012. I was given several opportunities to share my writing on larger platforms like Prodigal Mag and RELEVANT, I discovered a life-giving community of other writers and bloggers, I made the move to a new blog space and attended STORY Conference.

My husband has a full-time job for the first time ever and we’ve finally found a church community that we can invest in – both of which are enormous answers to our many desperate pleas for Help over the past five years.

My family has survived this strange new life without my mom, and we had a wonderful Christmas together – strange and sad moments notwithstanding – and in some ways, that is the most radical miracle I can think of.

There were other changes too, internally speaking. Grief, I warn you, is a fickle thing. One day I would have the energy to write 2,000 words and clean my apartment and roast a whole chicken. The next, I was going home from work early to read old journal entries and cry myself to sleep. There were days when I was ambitious and accomplished, and whole stretches of time when I was burnt out, uninspired, pissed off at the world. Sometimes I am truly grateful for my grief, for the way that it has woken me up to life, for the words it gives me and the Grace that it reveals. Sometimes I hate grief, and hate myself for it, and I hate everyone else who doesn’t have to deal with it.

The whole experience, every begrudging, blessed part of it, is changing me, teaching me to slow down, helping me to seek the Change that really matters, which is Grace. Grace for my hyper-vigilant, over-ambitious, work-in-progress self. Grace for all the change taking place in others.

I realized last night as the four of us talked – Matt, Ally, Darrell, and I – that I haven’t given much thought to what 2013 will be.

That’s okay, honestly. It doesn’t matter how many plans I make or arbitrary resolutions I conjure up; it will all turn out differently than I imagine.

So if my One Word for 2012 was Change, I want my One Word for 2013 to be Faithful.

I have some big opportunities coming in 2013, ones that I know of for sure, and ones I can’t see yet. No matter which way the pendulum swings and what happens in my life over the next year, I want to be faithful. I want to be faithful to the Change that is always at work in our lives, to the Grace that keeps showing up in the midst of our grief, to the Help that answers all our hurt.

I want to be faithful to His faithfulness in me.

What do you hope for in 2013? What is your One Word for the year, and why?

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  • http://www.stuffaudreysays.com/ Audrey the Turtle

    Wow. I had never thought of this before, but from now on will definitely think twice about who I purchase “cause” items from. Thank you for your honesty, and for bringing this dilemma to our attention.

  • http://sayable.net/ Lore Ferguson

    Love.
    This.
    And you.
    Proud of you.

  • Wanda

    Bethany I love this post. So true. I lost my mom to cancer and my 39 year old friend to cancer and I couldn’t have said it better “Make them a meal, run a marathon for them, hold a benefit for them, send them a card, cry with them, promise to care for their families when they are gone.” Thanks

  • Sophie Novak

    Bethany, I applaud you! Seriously! I love your heart and words!

  • Jane Flanagan

    Bethany, this is an amazing post, truly moving. I remain livid that Etsy did not respond to either you or Acacia with the substantial and compassionate response that both your posts deserve.

    The few times this week that I’ve clicked through from a blog or site to find a product on Etsy that I might otherwise favourite or buy, I’ve quickly exited the site. I don’t intend to punish makers so wholly unconnected with Etsy’s behaviour, but it will be a long time before I can stomach buying anything through their site again, if at all.

    • http://www.bethanysuckrow.com/ Bethany Suckrow

      I’ve thought about this, too, Jane. I don’t want to punish those sellers that have nothing to do with this issue. My best idea is that we purchase Paypal-to-Paypal, which I’ve had more than one customer do with me before. You can still purchase their items, but totally avoid letting Etsy be the middle-man.

  • http://www.eloranicole.com/ elora nicole ramirez

    I have chills. Bethany – this is beautiful and moves people to action. Thank you. Love you, girl.

  • Jessica Sullivan

    AMEN Bethany!

  • http://twitter.com/primesaut Danielle P.

    “True generosity is radically active.”

    YES. So many times YES. Thank you for writing about this issue in such a heartfelt way.

  • Aileen

    It’s been an interesting shift, and a bizarre conflict of my heart and mind, to see the culture surrounding us decide that it’s trendy to “appear generous” as you so simply stated.

    My heart aches for you and for everyone that feels pink salt poured into them each October. I understand the feeling of wanting to scream “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND” to people – and companies – whose only real connection to a cause is their own interest in looking good to others.

    Consumerism…consumes. Whether it’s merchandise for awareness months, or expensive shoes or glasses flashing a brand name that equals some donation, somewhere, it’s up to us to know our hearts. We all step forward each day and decide how far we’ll go to know what we’re buying, and why – and if that why lines up with capital t Truth.

    Usually I attempt a smile, and if I know them, see if their step in the way of generosity has room to turn into a life of it…you know. Ask them to do good, be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. (Tim 6:18-19). There are some beautiful opportunities out there.

    Much love – and may our hearts never stop having the ability to ache.

  • Rachie

    Couldn’t have said it better myself! I’m so proud of you and I love you very much!

  • http://www.facebook.com/acacia.warwick Acacia Warwick

    Bethany you’ve summed it up so beautifully. My original post was pretty snarky and angry, but you and Jane and Hila have brought such loving, thoughtful responses to the issue that it has become an issue about love and care over craven marketing. I am immensely proud of where you all have taken it.

  • Meredith

    Bethany, this is very thoughtful and well said.

    I work at a college with students who want to be engaged in service and social justice. One thing we teach them in orientation is an “awareness, action, advocacy” framework. In short, the goal for our student leaders is to move people from simply learning about an issue to taking action on it, and from taking action to becoming an advocate–someone who brings other along with them for that cause. The goal is advocacy, and awareness, at best, is just a first step. And of course, we try to balance being gracious with the people we meet, helping them take the next faithful step for them, and challenging others to keep moving along, not letting ‘awareness’ become an excuse for inaction.

    One thing I find particularly frustrating about Etsy’s responses is their rhetoric of ‘awareness’ and attitude that all awareness is equally good, even if it never prompts people to any meaningful action.

    Ok, this is getting long; I’m sorry. Thank you for what you wrote. It’s really got me thinking.

  • Jenny

    Amen!!! Thank you for making such a bold, thoughful, loving statement!!

  • Kristy

    I feel responsible now for having read this. I always admire your thoughts and the way that you present them. Keep them coming please :)

  • Andrea Beltran

    Bravo, Bethany! Way to raise awareness, an way to stand your ground. Sharing this. Big hug.

  • Brian

    I don’t think that there is any father that could be prouder of his daughter than I am of you.
    And I know mom joins me in this. I love you Beth.
    Dad

  • Hila

    Thank you for writing this Bethany. I’ve spoken so much about this issue on twitter and my blog over the the past few days, but I’m still angry – the sense of outrage on behalf of people like you and Acacia hasn’t worn off. I’m glad, because I should feel angry about this – we should all feel angry about it. And I’m even more angry at the lack of proper and compassionate response from Etsy. Which leads me to put my money where my mouth is and not support their website from now on. Of course, there are so many wonderful sellers on Etsy who have also been outraged by this, and whom I want to keep supporting. The only solution I can come up with is to support them separately from Etsy and purchase through either Paypal to Paypal, or their stand-alone sites and shops. It’s sad that it’s come to this, however, it’s more important to recognise that we are all responsible for keeping organisations and businesses ethical, and when we see something that crosses the line (and which is not properly addressed by the business), our own behaviour speaks volumes too.

  • val dering rojas

    Just shared on Facebook.

  • Sally Nash Boyd

    Thank you for posting this. I will admit to blindly following the crowd and buying products that say the proceeds are going to a support the charity it mentions but then realizing, foolishly, that the money isn’t going where it should.

    You’ve opened my mind to look and research more carefully before throwing money at the cause.

    I will follow your lead and be more cautious before I buy something supporting a “cause.” I will think of walking to support a cause or buying a card or making a meal to take to a family who is in need.

    Hugs.