Come on, feel the Illinoise!

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Happy Sunday, dear readers. How has your weekend been? Mine has been glorious. My brothers came for a visit, which of course meant a day downtown. A day in Chicago gets me excited every time. It doesn’t matter if I’m walking the same beaten path to the Art Institute or the Shedd Aquarium or Wrigley Field, I love it. The possibilities are endless.
We planned to spend the afternoon at the Shedd, but to our surprise and dismay, the general admission price has nearly doubled since we visited two years ago. Not exactly in the budget yesterday, so instead we wandered along the lake shore to Navy Pier. It turned out to be a beautiful warm day, perfect for walking and admiring the glittering architecture, the brilliant blue water, the pedestrians and their pets, the brave little sailboats, the trees with their arms reached to the sky waiting to be twinged with green any day now. Sometimes, wandering in the sunshine is just as enjoyable as wandering a museum, except it’s free [always a plus in my book.]
Later we ate at Gino’s East, meandered down Michigan Avenue, and visited the Skydeck at Sears [Willis] Tower. Traveler’s tip: go to the Skydeck at dusk or after dark. The wait is much shorter, not to mention how positively romantic it is to see a million city lights twinkling endlessly in the dark.
As I looked out on the teaming city streets and twinkling lights, I felt that gut instinct again –  This is where I belong.
I feel blessed to live in a hub of art and culture and intellect and opportunity. Living here feeds my constant hunger for learning and exploring new things, whether it’s a new restaurant or a museum exhibit or meeting someone new that shares my interests in writing and art and music.
Chicago, every time I visit you I love you more than before.  
by Sufjan Stevens
“you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mind set
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go…”

O’Hare, Earl Grey, Apologies and Poetry.

What a day I’ve had, friends. (And it’s not even Monday.) First, I’ll mention my utter frustration with myself. My severe penchant for untimely tardiness really distresses me. This statement seems ridiculous, but the reality is that while I am not a morning person, I really don’t intend to oversleep by nearly 40 minutes on mornings when I need to get to work early. My alarm did not go off; God only knows why. I’ll refrain from the hashing the details about the crazy dream I was having when, inexplicably, I woke with a start and realized I was late. Let’s just say it wasn’t as bad as the dinosaur dream from Tuesday night. Yes – dinosaurs.
Second, the five hours that I was actually in my office today can be described in a single cliche: time to put my foot in my mouth. This is no different than any other day when I readily express my opinions before I think about how to say them tactfully, but this morning was worse than usual. It was the kind that has left me wincing and cringing for the rest of the day. Did I really say that? 
I am trying to rectify this ever-present flaw in my personality. To those who received the brunt of my mouthiness today, take comfort in knowing that my feet taste disgusting and I am truly sorry.
Third, I love Chicago and nearly every thing about it. I also love doing whatever I can to help a friend, which is why I offered to drive my dear bff to O’Hare this afternoon so that she could hop a plane to Cali for vacation. I love her, which is why I’m not upset that she didn’t take me along. My love for her is also the reason I’m simply grateful that I survived the whole experience because believe me, I almost died. Several times. Lots of wailing and pointing involved as I continued to miss exits and swerve away from other vehicles. Chicago rush hour traffic is the one thing I truly hate about living here.
Sigh. It is now 7 p.m. and I am safe and sound, sitting in Starbucks and enjoying an Earl Grey Latte while contemplating life. Our days are a series of decisions and distractions, and all we really want is to follow our calling, fulfill our purpose. It’s so easy to let things stand in our way – other people, our selves, our bank statements, our schedules. It’s easy to make excuses about why we’re never the best version of ourselves or why we said one thing when we should have said it differently (or maybe avoided making the comment at all?)
It’s also easy to be too hard on ourselves. We set the expectation that we are super-human, that because others depend on us we have to hold it together no matter what the circumstances are. We have to be on time, be prepared. We have to perfect our craft and our work before we share it with others. We have to have everything figured out.
Both ends of the spectrum keep us swinging back and forth, avoiding the middle of the road where our expectations can connect with our reality:
We are imperfect, yet we are capable.
Tomorrow is another day to try again to be the better version of ourselves. If we mess it up or say the wrong thing or receive criticism on our work, then we can continue learning and growing from it.
And so, with that thought, I’m going to make a commitment. For the first time ever, I am going to submit my writing for a local poetry contest. (Yes, I write poetry.) It’s a baby step, but a movement forward nevertheless. Enough with my expectations. Time to do.

Changing Tides.

Here’s a thought for your weekend:
“Just because the tide is out, that doesn’t mean there’s less water in the ocean.” -Seth Godin.
So just because our economy is bad, that doesn’t mean we’re lacking resources and ideas. We just have to dig deeper, go to greater distances to find them.
Speaking of resources, the people of Japan are desperate for food, clean water, gasoline, and more. I read my friend Wakako’s post and found myself in tears for the people who are stranded there. Please consider giving to For Japan With Love, which will give all proceeds to Shelter Box, which will give supplies to the people of Japan. Every donation and prayer will help.
Have a good weekend, friends.

If I Look Like One, Maybe I’ll Be One.

I have an addiction. An addiction to blogs. And not just any blogs. Design blogs. Fashion blogs. It’s a wonderful thing to be addicted to – I can preoccupy myself by reviewing others who dress better, design better, than myself. They have the money and the means to wear all the things I can’t and drape their house in fabrics and furniture and prints that I can only dream of. And the blogs themselves – gorgeous!
I have visions of making my own blog easier on the eye than what I have at this moment. My hope is that before the end of the year, I’ll have a custom design for my blog to introduce to you. A friend is working on it for me, and I can’t wait until that day when my writing finally has a space that visually reflects the same quality.
However, like any addiction, my design-blog obsession has distracted me from what I really want, which is to delve deeper into the world of self-published writing. I’ve found a plethora of writing blogs, but I hardly ever read them because the designs are often nothing less than detestable. I don’t care if you’re the greatest writer to come along since Shakespeare. If you’ve posted your words in lime green over a cerulean background, I won’t get past the title before I click over to something more appealing. (Is there something wrong with taking the basic templates and messing with the color? Live a little, people.)
And so, I have this fear: if my blog isn’t visually appealing, it’s not worth reading no matter how well I write. Which means that my real problem boils down to this thought:
Maybe if I look like a writer, I’ll become one.
I hinge my success on how I appear to others. I may write well for my blog, but to be a successful blogger, I need to grab your attention, right?
Understandable. Proven fact with world wide web analytics. “Content is king” doesn’t matter if no one can read it.
But I can’t allow that to be my excuse not to write, right? Waiting for a better blog design is not a good reason to refrain from posting.
Once again, I find myself peeling back the layers of unnecessary negativity in my life in order to see what’s really there. Underneath it all, I have something good going for me and I need to unearth it. I need to let it out. I need to write. I need to create. I need to share it with others.
Here are some posts that have propelled me forward in my hope for my writing:
Jess Constable at Makeunder My Life has a fresh batch of wisdom every day – I can’t get enough. Read her post about why managing your business is like high school (no cringing necessary!)
Jon Acuff has some interesting things to say about selling out. What is your definition of a sell out? How do you impose that on others, and how do you allow others to impose their opinions on you?
bad review isn’t the end of the world, right?
I found this blog today – I need more poetry in my life. And maybe I should start posting photos from my idea journal… what do you think?
Tools for writers. Exactly what I need.

This Artistic Life.

Two confessions:
1. I am a public radio addict. Morning Edition, Eight Forty-Eight, Fresh Air, All Things Considered, This American Life. Without cable and time, I have limited connections to what is going on in the world. Thanks to public radio, namely WBEZ and NPR, I’m at least tuned in. More than that, I find the sound of their voices comforting, their stories fascinating, and let’s not ignore the fact that it has rescued me from the utter dread that is pop music radio.
2. I have taste. I have a deep love for all things artistic and I consider myself an artist of words, images and food. But I often recognize as I write, paint, photograph or cook that while I know the difference between what’s good and what isn’t, I am just not up to par with others out there. It took me a long time to admit this, and while the thought is somewhat discouraging, it’s also inspiring. So the more I see of something that’s good, the more I aspire to become good… After all, art and excellence take practice.
Just ask Ira Glass, creator of This American Life.
I dedicate this video to impeccable taste, and to the day when our abilities finally live up to it…